"If my life is broken for Jesus, it is because the pieces will feed a multitude while a loaf will satisfy only a small lad"- Elisabeth Elliot
"Every act of our lives strikes some chord that will vibrate into eternity"- Rick Warren
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Thursday, May 27, 2004
Failure
Recently I've been wondering why I can't remember all the times, places, or moments that I've been given compliments or accolades for whatever reason and by whomever. I'll admit that I can't take compliments well - "How does one take them humbly" I keep asking? But its startling for me to realize that I can remember with remarkable accuracy all the people, places, and almost exact temporal time whom I have failed for God. I've either misjudged them, lashed out at them, acted unwelcoming towards them, but to sum it all up - I didn't handle myself responsibly as a child of Christ would whenever I was around them or had to confront them for whatever given reason.
I brood over the people whom I've failed - "How could I have acted the way I did?" and then wonder how I can make things right? I know that for some people that an apology doesn't cut it ... and that sometimes all it takes is one offense for that person to never view you the same - "What's your excuse then for acting so irresponsibly?" I ask myself. I could have very well just missed out on the one opportunity to demonstrate the love of Christ or even share the gospel with them. I sit and wonder what I can do - "God, what can I do?" and somehow I just know that the answer is never easy.
I think it is easier to forget the compliments I get because they are things that I quickly pass on to God - that the praises I've gained should have really gone straight to Him in the first place. My failures, however, are things that I cannot pass over to God as quickly. God never fails - it's my weaknesses that caused the failure and God had nothing to do with it. I struggle with forgiving myself even though God has already forgiven me. I guess for the people I have failed, I can only pray and hope that God has sent someone more capable than me to do His work for them.
"Though I am free and belong to no man [or woman], I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible"
- 1 Cor 9:19
posted by Clint at 6:13:00 PM
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