"If my life is broken for Jesus, it is because the pieces will feed a multitude while a loaf will satisfy only a small lad"- Elisabeth Elliot
"Every act of our lives strikes some chord that will vibrate into eternity"- Rick Warren
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Monday, February 09, 2004
Foresight
Every now and then I would like to humour myself in imagining what it would be like if I could go back in time about a decade and talk to myself at that age. Remembering back to when I was 12, it was the age where things were about to turn difficult and my life was going to be twisted upside down. Though at the time, would I have known or accepted that it was going to be for my own good? And that it was because God wanted to show me what a life with Him would be like instead of a life lived on my own? Honestly, would the 12 year old me accept the adult that was before him in 'predicting' his future?
Back then I never would have imagined that I would eventually meet people who cared, that God loved me, that I would decide to follow Him, that I would serve him by leading others, that I would help in leading fellowship in highschool and in university, and most importantly of all ... that I would be happy. It would have all sounded like an unbelievably far-fetched prediction with a probability outcome larger than winning the lottary. In short, it would have taken a miracle ... and when I think back on it now? that's exactly what happened in my life. Could I have seen hope or purpose at the end of my struggles at that age? No ... I kept thinking that it was always going to be difficult with no end in sight - that my life would never amount to anything worthwhile. And yet, here I am today, looking back and thinking 'WOW' look what God had done in my life? Done in me? It would have been impossible for me to have seen all that has amounted in me the last 10 years.
And then that got me thinking even more. What will happen in another 10? What if I met my 32 year old self ... what kind of things would he tell me? And then it hit me. I couldn't see it at 12 and even at 22, I still won't be able to see the (what seems to me now) impossible things that I'll be capable of, or even the miracles that God will produce through me, for me, or in me. I look at how God has taken care of my life the last 10 years and I just know that if there really is a 32 year old self right now, he would be thinking of me and telling me that things are only going to get better from here. And that I'm going to see things done in my life that I would never have dreamed about. Perhaps in reality, God is that future 'self' that's joyfully talking to me right now about what will be and is to come ... I can barely sit still at the thought of what God has in store for me.
posted by Clint at 2:03:00 AM
Sunday, February 01, 2004
Home
It's hard to believe that my grandfather is not with us anymore. He passed away peacefully on thursday January 29th. I saw him last weekend after he had gotten through his surgery and was expected to recover. I guess I was not expecting to hear the news when all the while I thought he was suppose to get better. I loved my grandfather. While he spent the last 13 or more years with us he brought nothing but blessings to our household. He was the perfect model of gentleness and kindness, compassion and sympathy, and genuine patience and selflessness. When he was admitted in the hospital on New Year's Eve, the atmosphere at home changed significantly. My brother's post on his webpage had a perfect excerpt of how things felt when he was not around:
"... our whole house in Toronto practically fell apart when he was in the hospital. This showed what we always knew ... that he was the foundation of the stability of our house, taking care of the little things that we didn't have time to take care of."
There was so much that I always wanted to ask him and talk to him about. But because there was often a language barrier that limited me to only speak to him about simple things, I never got to ask him about his childhood or his memories while growing up etc. He lead a wonderful life and I always thought that it was shame that I could never share everything about my life with him as much as he couldn't share everything about his. The first thing that occurred to me the night that he passed away was knowing that he is in heaven and was watching down on us. In my prayer that night I talked to him, I told him everything that I always wanted to say to him ... and for once, I knew in my heart that he understood everything that I had said.
Before I left him last weekend at the hospital, he told me not to worry about what may happen. And although I told him that he was just being silly and whatnot, I also told him "Don't worry because the next time I see you, you are going to be at home". In a sense what I told him was the truth. It may not have been the home that I had originally thought of but it is the home that he was meant to go to. I miss him terribly ... but I'm smiling as best as I can knowing that I'll see him again someday.
posted by Clint at 8:36:00 PM
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