"If my life is broken for Jesus, it is because the pieces will feed a multitude while a loaf will satisfy only a small lad"- Elisabeth Elliot
"Every act of our lives strikes some chord that will vibrate into eternity"- Rick Warren
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Monday, January 26, 2004
Focus
"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out."- Proverbs 20:5
There are so many things in my heart that I have yet to understand. For a moment I got pretty side-tracked from the purposes that God had planned for me this term. And when I think about it, it's because there are things that dwell in my heart that I have yet to understand. It is because of these things that causes me to make life harder on myself than God had intended. At the moment, I understand myself well enough to know what is right and wrong with my will in comparison to God's will. I'm struggling to not be at the mercy of my weaknesses. Sometimes it feels like my weaknesses force me to my knees a lot harder than God does. But the difference between the former and the latter is that in the former I know I'm doing it to myself and there is no real reason why I should be on my knees. The Spirit in my heart is telling me that there is so much that God wants me to do on this campus before I leave. Sometimes it just feels like there's no room to do what I would like to do. But you know what? that's okay! because maybe what I want right now is not what's best for me.
In order to keep the things that are hidden in my heart from holding me back from God's will, I have to understand them first. I want to draw out the things that are hidden in my heart. And sometimes it really does feel like the meaning of things in my heart are as deep as the ocean. Every now and then I reflect on who I really am. I want to be confident of who I am in Christ. I pray that everyday I continue to find a piece of my true self. Only then can I hope to be one step closer to the reflection of myself that I see in my Father's eye.
posted by Clint at 1:14:00 AM
Friday, January 23, 2004
Script
"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged - their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place that you live in is that much more drab and empty now that they are gone. I guess I just miss my friend"- The Shawshank Redemption
posted by Clint at 1:12:00 PM
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Voice
I always loved listening to Christian music more than any other genre of music. I've always realized that Christian music is more than just good ballads or wonderful lyrics but are rather inspirational words from God Himself. But instead of being in the form of a sermon or message, the words are poetically placed and presented in a beautiful harmony that effortlessly flows straight to the heart. They are "Truth" whenever you need to hear it. And the most wonderful thing is that there is a song out there for every positive or negative situation or feeling that our heart can experience. It's amazing to notice that at times, words or conversations can hardly budge a hardened heart, but a simple song can gracefully break all the walls down that bind that heart. Praise God - honestly, it was God speaking to me through Christian music that has gotten me through many difficult experiences in my life:
Through forgotten convictions / misplaced affections / I'm losing the sound of your voice / I've been chasing after emptiness / trying to tidy up this mess / And I swear I've been done this road before / I want to get back to where it all began / When I would long for only you- "Can I Stay Here Forever", Starfield
Before I knew your name / You knew my every breath / Before I found my way / You knew my every step / Before I knew everything that I needed / You gave it all to me / No greater love than this / That you should lay down your life / For someone such as me / I'll spend a lifetime wondering why the beauty of heaven is here in my heart / And I know that there can be no greater love ...- "No Greater love", Rachel Lampa
There's a cry in my heart / For your glory to fall / For your presence to fill up my senses / There's a yearning I get / A thirst for discipline / A hunger for things that are deeper / Could you take me beyond / Could you carry me through / If I open my heart could I go there with you- "Cry In My Heart", Starfield
I can only imagine / What it would be like / When I walk by your side / I can only imagine / When your face / Is before me / I can only imagine / I can only imagine / Surrounded by your glory / What will my heart feel / Will I dance for you Jesus / Or in awe of you be still / Will I stand in your presence / Or to my knees will I fall / Will I sing Halleluiah / Will I be able to speak at all / I can only imagine / I can only imagine- "I Can Only Imagine", Mercy Me
posted by Clint at 2:26:00 PM
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Surrender
"It's all about You, Jesus
and all this is for You
for Your glory and your fame
it's not about me
as if You should do things my way
You alone are God
and I surrender to your ways ... "
- Passion
Amen Father~
posted by Clint at 11:20:00 PM
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Reflection
It's been a long time since I've taken some time to reflect and write down what I've seen in myself. I reflect on all the things that have made me the way I am today. There are times when I'm happy, open and free - free to be cheerful and without worry around others. And then there will be times when my thoughts hit me like a stampeding train and I lose confidence - I give in to fear, doubt and worry and it feels like it's impossible to shake it off. Why do I think about everything so much? From the moment I wake up, my head is just flooded with so many thoughts - I go through the day to fight them off as best possible, but they never seem to stop. So I ask myself what made me this way? I wasn't always like this. Until this day I believe it was circumstances in my childhood that forced me to sit and think about things on my own. I was confused, I went from being cocky and conceded ... to lacking self-confidence and feeling low self-steem and worth. Shortly afterwards when I became a Christian I understood that God made me go through all these changes because He wanted me to sit and think about things. He wanted me to look at myself and think about the consequences my words and actions would have on other people. I always considered thinking too much my blessing from God, but a curse as a person. Through God it has shaped me to be more considerate, empathetic, and compassionate towards others - the opposite of who I was before. It is a curse as a person because I didn't know how to use this blessing with caution. There comes a limit where some things were meant to be thought of only so much until I am suppose to let it go. In a way, I guess I'm still trying to live out that balance in my life. Some things are worth thinking about while others only hinder me from being who God intended me to be. I shared this with some people already: I'll never forget who I once was. Although it does bring back painful memories, it serves as my marker whom I compare the person that I am today with. That way, I can give God all the credit for the transformation that he has done in my life. Who I am today is because of His grace to save a wretch like me. Who I am today is a product of God's patience and love.
posted by Clint at 12:01:00 PM
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